There are days when you feel worthless. Insignificant. Small. Minuscule, perhaps.
Days that break your heart without making a sound.
You try to be alright with whatever little strength you have left within you. You carry yourself through the day, doing your work, answering people, laughing at the right places, pretending that you are, in fact, alright.
And for most of the day, you almost convince yourself that you are.
And then, suddenly, a wave of reality arrives.
It hits without warning and throws you to the ground.
It is on days like these that you realise perhaps you have demanded something unfathomable from the universe.
Something without logic. Without proportion. Without precedent.
Something the universe was never obligated to give you.
And perhaps the most painful realisation is this: you may simply be too insignificant in the enormous pool of people, lives, stories and desires for the particular thing you asked for to ever make its way to you.
There are billions of people asking the universe for something.
Someone is asking for love. Someone for another chance. Someone for a person to return. Someone for a life they once had. Someone, somewhere, is asking for exactly what you are asking for.
And perhaps the universe does not have enough of it to give to everyone.
Maybe that is what hurts the most.
Not that you asked for too much, but that what you asked for was real to you, while remaining almost invisible to everything else.
You begin to understand that the universe does not measure our longing before deciding what to give us.
It does not look at how sincerely we waited. How quietly we suffered. How desperately we believed.
It simply keeps moving.
Stars keep burning. Rivers keep flowing. People keep falling in love and falling out of it. Morning keeps arriving.
And you are left standing somewhere in the middle of all this enormous indifference, holding a wish that still feels like the most important thing in the world.
Perhaps growing up is learning that not every honest desire gets an answer.
Perhaps some things remain unanswered not because they were asked without sincerity, but because the world is simply not arranged around our longing.
And that is a terribly difficult thing to accept.
Because when you have wanted something for long enough, you begin to confuse wanting with deserving.
You begin to believe that if your heart has been sincere enough, patient enough, broken enough, then surely life must eventually compensate you.
But life does not keep accounts that way.
It does not owe us a reward for surviving what hurt us.
It does not promise that every loss will be replaced. Every goodbye answered. Every unanswered prayer eventually explained.
Sometimes, there is simply silence.
And perhaps you never stopped to ask whether the thing you were asking from was capable of holding something that enormous.
Perhaps the problem was never the size of your desire.
Perhaps you had mistaken the size of the universe for the size of your life.
And perhaps, after all these days of feeling insignificant, that is the one thought you never allowed yourself to consider:
What if you were never asking for too much?
What if you were asking from something that was too little?
Disha🌻
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